I feel dirty just writing about these, but I felt I should warn people. Me and the girlfriend watched these in the last couple of days and we’re still reeling from the terribleness of it all. Curse of Chucky Decided to watch it because in the onslaught of bad slasher flicks, even a Chucky movie could be a nice change of pace. Though it did fulfil that role, the movie was really bad.
IMDB says ”After her mother’s mysterious death, Nica begins to suspect that the talking, red-haired doll her visiting niece has been playing with may be the key to recent bloodshed and chaos.”
It stars some TV actors I couldn’t really place. Nica’s sister is played by a woman with so many surgeries done to her face she could be the star of her own horror movie. There is a really dumb lesbian subplot for some reason. Chucky is now CGI and doesn’t really say a lot. When he does, even the cheesy one liners are not that good or funny (and always misogynistic).
There are a couple of decent shots but there really isn’t much here to like. The ending makes no sense. There is a scene after the credits that is better than the rest of the film put together, although it completely negates everything that happened before.
Mark the text below for spoilers.
About halfway through the movie, the niece disappears. It turns out she was hiding in a closet, playing ”hide and seek”. I’m not quite sure how she could be hiding and ignoring the million times each person in the house calls out to her, screams in terror, gets stabbed, dies, falls from the second floor, down the stairs or when the power goes out and so on. That’s one dedicated little girl. Then even though the niece survives, we watch as Nica is found guilty for the murders that Chucky committed. I guess the niece didn’t want to narc on Chucky. Oh hey, wasn’t there also VIDEO FOOTAGE of Chucky murdering almost everyone in the house? No, I guess the paraplegic murdering four people made more sense. Okay.
The after credits scene shows the kid from the original movies receiving Chucky in the mail. He answers the phone and Chucky gets out of the box just in time to get his head blown off with a shotgun. I’m not quite sure why Chucky is still in the doll, since at the end of the movie it looks like he successfully transferred to the little girl.
1 out of 5 Good Guy dolls.
Next up: Fright Night 2 (2013)
I knew this was going to be bad, but I figured that the recipe is so classic that it could still be fun. I was wrong. The director chose to keep none of the original set up (vampire neighbor) but all of the original plot points. So you know exactly what’s going to happen and when, but it’s all dressed up as something else. Perfect.
It takes place in Romania, where some college-aged kids from the US are there to attend some classes (?). Apparently in Romania classes often take place after midnight and instead of teaching a class, there’s a full-blown rock concert show complete with smoke, lights and a WWE entrance by the professor. The professor, who is a hot hot hot lesbian (I feel the movie wanted me to really know how hot she was) that the main protagonist watches having sex at least twice before she’s introduced. Anyway, the rest is by the numbers with some truly eye-rolling events unfolding. Apparently Elizabeth Bathory was known as ”Countess Dracula” and was Romanian. News to me, but what do I know. They also switch out the Chris Angel-like Peter Vincent of the remake to an even more dumb Mythubusters kind of guy.
It’s just really, really dumb, I can’t go on.
0 out of 5 Draculas