Sometimes I watch bad movies and then forget all about them because they don’t even warrant a review. But they gnaw at me, these terrible things, and thus I review them months later, half-remembered and half-assed.
Utterly forgettable, not completely boring and unoriginal as hell. The premise is ludicrous. The plot as I remember it: A bunch of friends have 80s themed party but it turns out a maniac set it up to get their revenge of them. They proceed to reveal their darkest secrets (and oh boy are some of these people fucked up) while he murders/tortures them. It’s a bit like like Happy Birthday to Me but without the charm or the quality.
2 out of 5 Dark Secrets
Some dude gets cursed or possessed or something and him, his friend and the girl he’s crushing on try to save him. Oh yeah, I think he’s on house arrest because he was stalking some girl. Peter Stormare chews scenery as his probation officer and I wonder what kind of student loans he has that made him work on this. College is free in Sweden, so this is a real life mystery.
It’s like Disturbia, but not any fun at all. It’s boring and the ending sucks.
1 out of 5 Cursed Creepers
Death Do Us Part
Do you like people yelling at each other in the woods? Do you enjoy watching a bunch of ”friends” who are mysteriously horrible to one another and seem to hate each other’s guts, yet they hang out constantly? Do you like telegraphed plot twists that make no sense? Boy do I have something for ya.
Some lady is getting married and she takes her friends and her SO’s friends to a cabin in the woods to celebrate. Someone starts murdering people. Nothing of value is lost.
1 out of 5 Wedding Dresses (1 point deducted for that ludicrous ending)