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More Bad Movies: Ghost on Air, Black Rock, Magic Magic

Ghost On Air
I liked the premise of this movie enough to go against my gut feeling and watch it. A popular radio DJ gets moved to the night shift slot and decides to tell ghost stories. Scary shit follows. How could you fail with this premise?

Turns out, pretty easily. The plot was a tad confusing at places, mostly because it featured a bunch of unrelated ghost stories with similar elements. One of them is about a girl who has an abortion and is haunted by her dead kid. The girl’s mom finds her hanging. Then there’s a different young girl haunting a store and it becomes really hard to tell which old lady is the mom from the first story and which one is the shop owner and how, if at all, these two stories are connected (from what I can tell, they’re not, but I’m still confused).

In any case, the DJ’s dead girlfriend was a horror writer who decided to investigate some ghost stories she heard about. It’s unclear even at the end of the movie, if this research was the cause of her death (I’m unsure if we’re ever told how she died, all we get is a scene in a hospital where she’s on a stretcher) or if it was unrelated. The dj finds her notes and after telling the stories on air, decides to also look into these hauntings.

There’s also a subplot about how a young female dj takes the prime-time spot from his, but it’s fairly misogynistic. I was expecting something more interesting to happen, as the woman is always trying to help the protagonist and he always blows her off. Unfortunately, it looks like we’re really supposed to think she’s a horrible monster.

Spoilers follow, including ending.

The movie has a pretty dumb ending. After the DJ ”solves” the hauntings by revealing the truth, he wins an award for best male DJ, gets his old job back and gets to push his rival out of the show. Apparently being a woman and having a job means you’re a whore and you should be punished.

In any case, there’s a scene right after that where the DJ watches on his laptop a video of his girlfriend telling him she’s haunted and asking ”Where are you?” I’m not sure why she’s recording this video or why she’s asking that, it seems like she could have called him or something, but what do I know, I’m not a ghost. Then the ghosts descend upon him and presumably drive him crazy. The end.

All and all, I wouldn’t recommend this movie. It has no good scares, the plot is convoluted for no reason and there just isn’t anything all that interesting here.

2 out of 5 ghost DJs.

Black Rock (spoilers throughout)

Another utterly dumb movie about how apparently ordinary people will decide to commit felonies for no reason, with no regard for their own safety or best interest.

Three women decide to go on vacation back to their childhood vacation spot, on a tiny island. Once there, they meet three hunters who they kinda-sorta know and invite them to hang out. After one of the women flirts with one of the men and invites him into the woods to presumable have sex, she has a change of heart but the guy won’t take no for an answer and tries to rape her. She cracks his skull open with a rock.

His two buddies are upset and decide to kill the three women because of reasons. I don’t know, not a lot makes sense here.

They play the usual cat and mouse game on the island, including more dumb scenes, like having the women try and make it into the water by crawling towards the beach, but one of them freaks out and starts screaming and gets up to run, immediately getting shot in the face.

I don’t know why. She couldn’t get the pressure of crawling on a beach I suppose. The remaining two women run into the water only to realize they’re freezing to death, so they get back out. This, despite a five minute conversation they had before they put the plan in motion, where one of them absolutely knew she could handle the cold water. I guess she was wrong.

The two women get naked to battle hypothermia. I guess the boobs were unavoidable.

Anyway, the movie ends as expected. It’s really dumb. If you’re really into watching women get victimized for an hour and then maybe get their revenge for two minutes, I guess you could give it a shot.

1 out of 5 hypothermic, naked women.

Magic Magic (spoilers throughout)

Ah, the dumbest of them all. I admit to being intrigued for the first half hour of this movie, but once I realized the movie has an unreliable narrator, I kinda gave up on the whole thing. I like unreliable narrators, but when you got every other character acting weird as shit and then compound that with a protagonist that appears to be schizophrenic, is there really any point in watching? If there is no basis for reality and the events aren’t even that interesting (oh woo, this guy is mean to her, her friend was rude on the phone, a dog tried to hump her), it’s hard to take it seriously. Couple this with a really dumb ending and you get Magic Magic.

Everyone in this movie is both irritating and stupid. And terrible, like the guy who wants to have sex with his girlfriend who had an abortion the previous day and suggests anal when she says she’s still hurting. What.

In the ending, her friends take her to a Mexican witch who tries to exorcise her and ends up chocking her to death by feeding her a frog. This is happening as about ten people watch, none of them saying anything, apparently convinced she’s possessed.

I can’t say enough bad things about this movie. Fuck it.

0 out of 5 humping dogs.

These Movies are Terrible: Home Sweet Home and Insidious 2

Home Sweet Home (2013)
What a terrible movie. The home invasion resurgence I’m seeing is bad enough on it’s own, but where other movies might try something a little bit different, this one is happy to be the usual shitty tripe. There is no Wikipedia page and the synopsis on IMDB is one line long, so I’ll have to wing it. A couple is spending a night at home when they realize some dude wearing that mask from Saw has broken into their home and also trapped them inside. That’s really about it and from here on, expect major spoilers.

Of course, the husband immediately gets his, leaving the wife to play the cat and mouse game with the killer. Of course right before that, she thought she’d surprise her husband with some sexy times while wearing a cheerleader uniform, so naturally the killer hunts her around the house with her dressed as a slightly aged cheerleader. She gets captured, escapes, gets captured again and so on.

A lot of dumb shit takes place, she makes choices that make no sense, her husband is completely useless and gets fucked up constantly and then in the end we have the usual fake-out death. The killer then stops messing around and murders the poor woman and then the plot twist hits. Turns out he was a police officer and under the painter’s onesie he’s wearing is a full cop getup. He stages the scene to make it look like he was called to the house and the credits roll.

I’m not sure how he’s going to explain that he got shot with the victim’s gun or where exactly he was earlier and why he’s at their house when no call has been made. Does this guy even have a shift? Or is he more like a freelance cop that works on the weekends? I don’t know. I’m sure you can plug these plot holes with some mental gymnastics, I’m vaguely aware that there was a whole thing where the couple had called the police the previous day about a prowler, but really, it’s too dumb to think about.

There is really nothing interesting about this movie.

1 out of 5 home invaders.

Insidious 2 (2013)

I honestly didn’t love the first insidious and I could never understand why people talk it up. It felt like one of those movies that you’d only think are interesting if you watch maybe a couple of horror movies a year. To me, it had a bunch of ideas I’ve seen before, but at least it was competently made, so I wasn’t completely disappointment. I’m even planning a re-watch.

I went into the sequel/prequel with good intentions, but ultimately, it was pretty bad. Again, Wikipedia fails me for a synopsis.

The movie takes place almost immediately after the end of the first one. The family moves to another house and tries to get things back to normal. But weird shit still happens, this time apparently centering around her husband and the baby.

Spoilers ahead.

The movie serves as both a prequel and a sequel to the original movie. We get a flashback showing how the father of the family also had a run in with the demons/ghosts/whatevers when he was a kid and managed to suppress his astral projecting abilities. Everything that takes place in the flashbacks is really well done and all around interesting. The problem lies with all the shit they add to the current timeline, which ends up coming off like a an episode of Supernatural mixed with American Horror Story season one. They throw in some ghosts, an overbearing, crazy mom, a cross-dressing serial killer that appears both as his innocent child self and his later, murderous incarnation and somehow try and tie all this in to the events of the first movie. It fell flat for me, though your mileage may vary.

I kept waiting for something to happen that would tie it up nicely, but it never came. It really is as disjointed as it looked to be. The bit of mindfuck where the events in the flashback are a reaction to the events of the future (you’ll know it when you see it, the movie makes sure to hit you over the head with it) was really the only interesting part of the movie.

The movie isn’t shy about showing us a bunch of ghosts in broad daylight (always accompanied by the usual piano and string cues), which gets ridiculous pretty fast. There is only a handful of effective scares and none of them are really that original or interesting. It’s a very formulaic offering, overall.

It’s probably not completely terrible, but nowhere near as good as the original, which wasn’t that good to begin with, so eh.

2 out of 5 ghosts.

Horror Short Film Roundup

Sometimes I watch horror short films. I thought you might like some too. Watch these. These are good.
I recommend full screen.

This one is animated and kinda long, but it’s well made and the song is killer.

 
Short and sweet.

 
This is probably one of the best stop motion ones I’ve seen. I love it.

 
Has some good visuals, but ultimately I was disappointed that they didn’t do more with the idea. Worth a watch though.

 

This is terrifying. Don’t miss this one.

Top 10 Book Covers of 2013

It’s finally done. It was a lot of work, collecting suggestions, scouring the 2013 release lists, deciding which covers to include, narrowing it down and finally, coming up with an actual Top Ten list of Book Covers for 2013. This is the first year I’m doing this, but I hope I can make this an annual thing, which I suppose will depend on how many people agree with my choices and thus decide to follow my blog and read my rants and generally feed my ego.

By far the hardest thing was to track down who the artist was in the majority of the cases. I failed to do so in one case.

A few words about the list: I included only novels, novellas and anthologies. So no comic books or magazines. I didn’t include any books published in December 2012, though beginning next year, I will start from December 2013 for the 2014 list. I tried to link to each book’s Amazon page, each artist’s portfolio and each publisher’s website. I didn’t always succeed in finding them. I (of course) didn’t include any of my own covers.

If you find an omission, please let me know.

21. Sci-Fidelity

Artist: Matthew Woodson
Author: Alex Sargeant
Publisher: Black Hill Press

Ryan Singer sits on the edge of that terrible time in everyone’s life when they realize they’ve either already started their career or need to. Ryan tries his best to navigate this world where awkwardness, New Media, science fiction, love, drugs and intrigue all slam together with hilarious and tragic consequences.

 

52. Cruel

Artist: Chris Walker
Author: Eli Wilde
Publisher: Perpetual Motion Machine Publishing

When he was a very young child, Evan Jameson believed in angels. He thought they were watching out for him, protecting more than merely his innocence, he thought they were supposed to stop bad people from doing bad things to him. After his family moved house and he went to school for the first time, he started to believe in monsters. Seeing them each day as they cruelled their way through his formative years, he realised angels were not looking out for him after all. And God too, He seemed to be looking out for someone other than Evan. Despite the sun searing images of his childhood nightmares into his mind like a laser etched from hell, Evan managed to hide them from his conscience, never gazing upon them until he was older and his first child was born. Even then, it was not until he felt the first urge to cruel his baby son that he began to search for reasons why. What he revealed when he gazed into his dark past, was not only the reason why he could become a monster, but also the reason why he awakened each day wanting to end his life.

 

33. Mountain Home

Artist: Joanne-McKenna Howard at Small Dog Design
Author: Bracken MacLeod
Publisher: Books of the Dead Press

Lyn works at an isolated roadside diner. When a retired combat veteran stages an assault there her world is turned upside down. Surviving the sniper’s bullets is only the beginning of Lyn’s nightmare. Navigating hostilities, she establishes herself as the disputed leader of a diverse group of people that are at odds with the situation and each other. Will she – or anyone else – survive the attack?

 

44. The Lost

Artist: Jeff Himmelman
Authors: Anthology
Publisher: Gallileo Games

The Lost is stories of hope, tragedy, and the people the world turns away from. From a young woman struggling with addiction to a streetwise Santa looking out for his friends, these stories range from literary to magical realism. The Lost is an anthology of stories that confront issues of homelessness and the people our society ignores.

 

65. Jane

Artist: Nimit Malavia
Author: P.F. Jeffery
Publisher: Chômu Press

Thousands of years in the future, the division between the sexes is entrenched, turning to warfare. Many technologies are lost and much history forgotten, but gynogenesis (by which two women may have a child) is becoming the scientific foundation for the Empire of Her Majesty, Berenice I. Amidst the haunted marshes of outlying Essex, the routine and romance of homes and offices in the Surrey heartland, and the crumbling feudal heritage of Lundin town, the action unfolds like the panorama from a stagecoach window.

Jane is a sixteen-year-old civil servant under Her Majesty. Sent to audit the spoils of battle, she falls for Captain Modesty Clay, precipitating a maelstrom of events that force her to grow up fast, and in which she catches the eye of the Empress herself.

 

76. Floating Boy and the Girl Who Couldn’t Fly

Artist: Erik Mohr
Author: Stephen Graham Jones & Paul Tremblay
Publisher: CZP

Mary’s life is going fine. Except for being a freshman in high school. And having anxiety attacks. And her dad having no job. So, introduce one boy who can fly, kidnap the little brother she’s supposed to be babysitting, and drop a military quarantine on her town and that should make her anxiety completely disappear, right? Wrong.

 

97. The Last Night of October

Artist: Luke Spooner
Author: Greg Chapman
Publisher: Bad Moon Books

Seventy-year-old Gerald Forsyth dreads Halloween. Every year, on October 31st, a lone child has knocked on his door – a nightmarish reminder of a tragedy from Gerald’s past.
As each Halloween came and went, Gerald has been able to keep his door locked and the monstrous memory at bay, but the ravages of emphysema have left him a disgruntled and feeble-minded old man.
When a new hospice nurse named Kelli arrives unexpectedly to replace his regular nurse on Halloween night, Gerald is caught unawares and before he can warn her, Kelli is inviting the threat into his home. The horrors that unfold will be no trick and the only treat the child will accept is the old man’s soul. Before the night ends, Gerald will have no choice but to bring his dark secret into the light.

 

18. You

Artist: Superbrothers
Author: Austin Grossman
Publisher: Mulholland Books

When Russell joins Black Arts games, brainchild of two visionary designers who were once his closest friends, he reunites with an eccentric crew of nerds hacking the frontiers of both technology and entertainment. In part, he’s finally given up chasing the conventional path that has always seemed just out of reach. But mostly, he needs to know what happened to Simon, his strangest and most gifted friend, who died under mysterious circumstances soon after Black Arts’ breakout hit.

As the company’s revolutionary next-gen game is threatened by a software glitch, Russell finds himself in a race to save his job, Black Arts’ legacy, and the people he has grown to care about. The deeper Russell digs, the more dangerous the glitch appears–and soon, Russell comes to realize there’s much more is at stake than just one software company’s bottom line.

 

89. Earth Thirst

Artist: Cody Tilson
Author: Mark Teppo
Publisher: Night Shade Books

 The Earth is dying. Humanity — over-breeding, over-consuming — is destroying the very planet they call home. Multinational corporations despoil the environment, market genetically modified crops to control the food supply, and use their wealth and influence and private armies to crush anything, and anyone, that gets in the way of their profits. Nothing human can stop them. But something unhuman might. Once they did not fear the sun. Once they could breathe the air and sleep where they chose. But now they can rest only within the uncontaminated soil of Mother Earth—and the time has come for them to fight back against the ruthless corporations that threaten their immortal existence.

They are the last guardians of paradise, more than human but less than angels. They call themselves the Arcadians. We know them as vampires. . .

 

1010. The One-Eyed Man

Artist: John Jude Palencar
Author: L. E. Modesitt, Jr.
Publisher: Tor Books

The colony world of Stittara is no ordinary planet. For the interstellar Unity of the Ceylesian Arm, Stittara is the primary source of anagathics: drugs that have more than doubled the human life span. But the ecological balance that makes anagathics possible on Stittara is fragile, and the Unity government has a vital interest in making sure the flow of longevity drugs remains uninterrupted, even if it means uprooting the human settlements.

Offered the job of assessing the ecological impact of the human presence on Stittara, freelance consultant Dr. Paulo Verano jumps at the chance to escape the ruin of his personal life. He gets far more than he bargained for: Stittara’s atmosphere is populated with skytubes—gigantic, mysterious airborne organisms that drift like clouds above the surface of the planet. Their exact nature has eluded humanity for centuries, but Verano believes his conclusions about Stittara may hinge on understanding the skytubes’ role in the planet’s ecology—if he survives the hurricane winds, distrustful settlers, and secret agendas that impede his investigation at every turn.

Timecapsule Interview: Jack Ketchum 2005

 

This interview was probably done sometime in 2004-2005. I was 21 years old at the time and I ran a fanzine called CARNIVAL MACABRE. I interviewed Jack Ketchum for it, but ended up selling the interview to DARK WISDOM, for those of you who remember the now defunct magazine. I didn’t know it was included for years, until I figured it out and contacted the folks over at DARK WISDOM, who graciously mailed me copies and paid me for the interview. They’re nice people.

Anyway, I’m including it here without edits. It probably ain’t great, but Jack had some great answers.

Jack Ketchum has been one of my favorite writers for quite a while now, since reading ”Girl Next Door” in the Greek translation(by Oxy Publications) and was blown away by it. Up until then, my diet consisted of supernatural horror novels( you all know what I’m taking about, it’s what I like to call ”mainstream horror”), and this book opened up a whole new world to me. A much darker world, so to speak. I can only be thankful for that and present you with an interview with the man himself.

Jack Ketchum is the pseudonym for a former actor, singer, teacher, literary agent, lumber salesman, and soda jerk — a former flower child and baby boomer who figures that in 1956 Elvis, dinosaurs and horror probably saved his life. His first novel, Off Season, prompted the Village Voice to publicly scold its publisher in print for publishing violent pornography. He personally disagrees but is perfectly happy to let you decide for yourself. His short story The Box won a 1994 Bram Stoker Award from the HWA and his story Gone won again in 2000, and he has written eleven novels, the latest of which are Red, Ladies’ Night, and The Lost. His stories are collected in The Exit At Toledo Blade Boulevard, Broken on the Wheel of Sex, and Peaceable Kingdom.

George Cotronis: How much of the real ”you” is in your books? Were any of them inspired by personal experiences, or have some basis in reality?

Jack Ketchum: Sure, I draw on personal experiences a lot. THE GIRL NEXT DOOR is almost a memory-play of what it was like to grow up in New Jersey when I did — minus, I hasten to add, the plot. SHE WAKES used a lot of what I saw and did in Greece. In PEACEABLE KINGDOM there’s a story called AMID THE WALKING WOUNDED which was about my nosebleed from hell and another called THE HOLDING CELL which was about my first — and only, thank god — DUI arrest. I could go on. But beyond that most of my stuff is reality-based. Something I’ve read about or heard about second-hand that triggers a story.

GC: As a horror writer, you attempt to scare us. What are you afraid of? What was your biggest childhood fear?

JK: When Jeff Gelb was preparing FEAR ITSELF — a very fine anthology by the way — he asked us all to write what scared us personally, not what we thought would scare somebody else. I raised my hand like a kid in class and said, “is anybody doing snakes??” Hence the story of the same name again collected in PEACEABLE KINGDOM. I refer you to that one for early childhood fears — and I used a number of personal experiences there too. But I was also afraid of practically everything as a kid. From The Bomb to the bully up the goddamn street.

GC: Most of the stuff you write is rather heavy, or right down depressing for some. Are you always in that state of mind? Going around holding a gun to your head?

JK: Hey, wait a minute. I write some pretty funny shit as well sometimes. Think of the stories in BROKEN ON THE WHEEL OF SEX for instance. Though now that I think of it, most of that, funny or not, is probably basically depressing too. I guess the answer to your question is another question. What the fuck kind of world are you living in that I don’t know about?

GC: Pretty much the same world. It was a question my friends asked me when I made them read your books. I now have no friends. I know that you have a lot of influences and a wide scope in reading, but who would you say where the writers or books that influenced early on in writing?

JK: Good god, they’re legion. Very earliest influences off the top of my head would be comic books — pre-comic-code weird stuff and Classic Comics especially — then short stories by Bloch, Bradbury, Matheson, Sturgeon, Lovecraft, Derleth, Dahl and among the novels, DRACULA, JEKYLL AND HYDE, FRANKENSTEIN, anything by Mickey Spillane, PEYTON PLACE, HARRISON HIGH, A STONE FOR DANNY FISHER, BLACKBOARD JUNGLE, THE AMBOY DUKES, plays by Tennessee Williams, Shakespear’s tragedies (I read them with the Classic Comics on one side of the desk and the text on the other early on), Edith Hamilton’s book on Greek myths, Roy Chapman Andrews’ ALL ABOUT DINOSAURS and anything else I could get my hands on the subject, e.e.Cummings’ poetry, and cheap sensational paperback lit of every kind. Oh, yes, and MAD, CRACKED, and FAMOUS MONSTERS OF FILMLAND. That do for starters?

GC: You don’t usually write supernatural horror (except for SHE WAKES). Why is that? Would you say that the horror that comes from humanity itself scares us more than things that go bump in the night?

JK: There are people who do bump in the night better than I do. Wait, that didn’t come out right. I mean, there are people who write supernatural much better than I do. So I tend to leave it mostly to the masters. Though SHE WAKES and some of my stories occasionally go there my forte seems to be reality and what scares me therein.

GC: How important is music to your writing? Do you listen to music when writing or is it otherwise involved in the process?

JK: I can’t listen to anything while I’m writing. Even my cats distract me. I’m envious of painters and other writers I know who can. I need silence and a blank wall. A phrase of music will often pop into my mind and I’ll use it in a piece but if I’m actually listening to music at the time, all I can do is listen. Maybe it’s because I was a singer once. Music still grabs all of my attention even if it’s terrible.

GC: Being criticized constantly regarding your subject matter must be hard. How much exactly does it affect you?

JK: I’m really not criticized constantly. Not at all. If that’s going on somewhere I’m not hearing it. For the most part people seem to get what I’m driving at. What criticism I have had hasn’t effected me much at all. It’s not that I’m particularly brave. It’s just that the only way I know how to do a piece is the way it occurs to me to do it. Then I just let it go where it goes.

GC: Of all your books, which one do you think is the hardest on the reader? More shocking?

JK: From readers’ comments I’d say three. THE GIRL NEXT DOOR, OFF SEASON (UNEXPURGATED EDITION in particular) and RIGHT TO LIFE. Those are the ones people have said to me, sorry I can’t go there, most often. But also STRANGLEHOLD aka ONLY CHILD because of the child-abuse factor.

GC: What, in your opinion, is most important, or what technique do you use to strip the reader of his mental defenses and scare or provoke similar strong emotions in him?

JK: I first try to scare myself. If I can do that successfully it usually seems to translate to the reader. But it’s the same thing with portraying any emotion. First you gotta move yourself. Then you get that feeling under control so it’s not just wild babbling and state it well — that’s learned technique — it’s a mix of feeling and self-control.

GC: Are you writing anything lately? What projects are you involved with?

JK: I just finished a story for Nanci Kalanta’s Horrorworld site which will be out in November — my first short story to be debuted on the net — and I’ve recorded two stories on CD, FOREVER and FATHER AND SON, for Borderlands’ DARK VOICES series. As we speak I’m roughing out a nonfiction piece for Asian Cult Cinema on Takashi Ishii’s NEW FLOWER AND SNAKE. Then there’s this novel thing hovering in the background.

GC: How come you were drawn to horror fiction in the first place? What was your first brush with it so to speak?

JK: Where I grew up, the woods were dark at night and filled with fear and pleasure…

Halloween Playlist: Bloodmilk

 

This is a pretty good mix, with some thought put behind how the songs flow into each other. It’s not really for Halloween parties or shitty things like that, this is the author edition playlist, for lonely people breaking their backs over keyboards in the middle of the night while their loved ones sleep. In that sense, this is the perfect Halloween playlist. A bit funky, not at all kitsch. No dumb Halloween songs and no musical numbers and probably not your favorite Misfits song. Short and sweet.

 

October Challenge 2013: The List

This is the list of movies we’re watching this October. I expect some of the movies to be switched with others as the mood strikes, but that’s okay. It’s a weird list because it’s really not a top 30 of my favorite horror movies or anything. Lots of movies didn’t make the list because I had re-watched them recently or just because I didn’t feel like re-watching them.
Let’s see if I can come up with anything interesting to say about these flicks after the jump.

list

 

1. Stake Land – I’ve seen this one before and I still enjoy it. It has some goofy kung fu stuff going on, but I like that they took the time to do some world building in this one.

2. Haunting of Helena – First viewing. I posted the review yesterday. Not something I’d re-watch.

3. Pontypool – It has an interesting premise and I’ve forgotten enough about it to want to re-watch it.

4. Lords of Salem – Re-watch solely for the visuals.

5. Paranorman – We watched this recently so we might end up not seeing it again, but it’s just really good and a perfect fit for Halloween.

6. Livide – This one was a bit of a letdown when it finally came out, but it has some of the best scenes I’ve seen in a horror movie. Definitely worth a re-watch.

7. Vanishing on 7th Street – This one isn’t really that great, but the girlfriend hasn’t seen it, so we will.

8. Monsters – This one I actually like, but I’ve definitely watched it too many times. Girlfriend hasn’t seen it though.

9. Coraline – It’s pretty good. Worth a re-watch. I think the director is the same as for Paranorman.

10. Splinter – While I’m getting tired of watching this, it’s still a fun movie. I dig the monsters.

11. The Burrowers – This one is a bit slow, but it’s been a while and I want to see how it holds up on repeat viewings. Cowboy horror!

12. GP – One of my favorite horror movies. Looking forward to watching it again.

13. Trick ‘r Treat – Might save this for Halloween. It’s the perfect movie.

14. Teeth – I’ve described the movie to my girlfriend a hundred times, but we still haven’t watched it. So in it goes.

15. Cold Prey – I’m not a huge fan of slasher flicks outside the classics, but this Norwegian movie has a nice setting and it feels pretty fresh for what is essentially a run-of-the-mill slasher movie.

16. Slither – Always fun.

17. The Dark – I liked some of the visuals. I think Sean Bean dies in this one.

18. Tucker & Dale vs. Evil – Probably the best horror comedy in existence.

19. Dead Air – I don’t actually remember this at all and I’ve watched it.

20. R-Point – Another Korean horror movie. Not as good as GP, but still good.

21. Undead – I haven’t watched this in ages. I remember it’s a pretty crazy Australian zombie flick.

22. My Little Eye – Mostly for nostalgia’s sake.

23. Bride of Chucky – The only Chucky film I haven’t watched yet.

24. The Nightmare Before Christmas – Needs no introduction.

25. The Blob – I like this remake. I watched it as a kid and fell in love with it.

26. Teen Wolf – Not sure about this one, but it’s definitely been a while since I last watched it.

27.

28.

29. All the Evil Dead movies.

30. The Conjuring – Heard good things.

31. Pacific Rim – I guess this is cheating, but I wanna watch it and can’t wait till November.

32. The American Scream – Bonus round. A documentary about families and their Halloween decorations.

 

 

 

 

October Challenge #1: The Haunting of Helena

haunting-of-helena-face
I’m running a bit behind, but I’m still watching one horror movie for every day of October this year.

Me and my girlfriend started out with The Haunting of Helena, a horror flick that takes place in Italy for some reason. Some of the plots points are tied to historical events, but there really is no point to it actually taking place there. Everyone speaks English (except for a psychologist guy who was dubbed) and everyone acts like they’re in the US, so whatever.

The-Haunting-of-Helena-Theatrical-Poster1Anyway, IMDB says ”A single mother moves into a new house with her daughter. Soon after the young girl has her first baby tooth fall off, she begins to recount that she is having nocturnal visits by a tooth fairy. It seems the house has a sinister history” which sounds about right. The irresponsible dad isn’t in the picture because he’s roaming the world. The mom likes to overreact at everything, like when an elderly neighbor says hello and asks if she’s the mom of the little girl that lives in the building. She looks at him like he’s the boogeyman. He eventually does turn creepy when he says ”GET OUT WHILE YOU STILL CAN”, but I wasn’t sure why the mom was creeped out from the get-go. Then the kid loses a tooth and it disappears because the tooth fairy took it. Eventually the mom is called to the school because apparently her daughter was buying teeth from the other children. I have to say two things about that:

1. That’s actually a pretty neat idea for a short story.

2. Why the fuck would a teacher care if a kid is buying up baby teeth? Kids will trade fucking everything, including teeth, cat skulls, Pokemon cards and dead pigeons. This isn’t cause for alarm.

Anyway, the mom is really disturbed and takes her to a psychologist and she gets like a hundred CAT scans. Her dad calls and thinks it might be epilepsy (that’s not how epilepsy works) but eventually the mom sees the ghost! Shit goes downhill from there. Spoilers follow, including THE ENDING. Mark the text to read them.

Turns out the woman that used to live in the house had a really jealous husband. He got really angry and pulled out all her teeth and left her to die in a closet. Now the lady haunts the house and is trying to get her teeth back.There’s a huge jump in time after the mom and daughter escape the house and the ghost. The kid is in a mental institution and finally the dad has shown up. He’s an asshole and wants to take the kid back to the US. It took him four years to come see his daughter, two of which she was in the institution. Talk about a shitty dad.

The mom figures out that the lady ghost wants her teeth back and does some research to find them. She eventually does (it really wasn’t that hard) and goes back to the house to drop them off. That’s when the plot twist ala The Ring happens. Turns out the lady wasn’t the victim of a jealous husband, she was a fucking cannibal that murdered kids. Her husband found out and took her teeth out to save the town kids. Now the ghost lady had her teeth back, she was free to eat kids again, which she does immediately. All in all a happy ending.

Anyway, this movie wasn’t terrible, I liked some of the effects and some of the ideas behind it. It’s a perfectly passable b-movie with mediocre acting but decent CGI effects. The plot twist is kinda apparent but it takes so long to happen that you’re almost fooled, but I can’t give it too many points for that.

 2 out of 5 baby teeth

Writing Sountrack: Last of Us

 

This is going to be one of my staples: Soundtrack recommendations for writing.

Personally, I can write with most kinds of music playing, but sometimes I have trouble concentrating, especially if I know the songs well and the lyrics creep into my mind when I’m writing. Anyway, I finished the PS3 exclusive LAST OF US other day (review forthcoming) and I could tell the OST would be great for writing. Moody, quiet music, mixed in with some guitar tracks and some more uptempo ones, but nothing too jarring. I hate it when I’m listening to a soundtrack and reach that inescapable ”bad shit going down” part of it that completely breaks my concentration. Anyway, I suck at writing copy so I’m gonna keep this short.

I’m including a link to a spotify playlist.