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Halloween Playlist: Bloodmilk

October 31, 2013 No Comments

blck

 

This is a pretty good mix, with some thought put behind how the songs flow into each other. It’s not really for Halloween parties or shitty things like that, this is the author edition playlist, for lonely people breaking their backs over keyboards in the middle of the night while their loved ones sleep. In that sense, this is the perfect Halloween playlist. A bit funky, not at all kitsch. No dumb Halloween songs and no musical numbers and probably not your favorite Misfits song. Short and sweet.

 

October Challenge #2: Bride of Chucky

October 19, 2013 No Comments

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After watching the latest Chucky flick, I felt I had to see the two that came before that I hadn’t seen. Bride of Chucky and Seed of Chucky. After watching the former, I’m not sure I want to see the latter. Anyway. I’m gonna keep this short because the movie isn’t worth it. The premise is ridiculous, the acting is atrocious, even the kills are dumb (if you go for that kind of thing). There’s very little to like here, especially not the nu-metal soundtrack that screams ”we’re cool we promise!”

IMDB plot summary says ”Chucky, the doll possessed by a serial killer, discovers the perfect mate to kill and revive into the body of another doll.” which is about as lackluster as the movie itself. Chucky gets resurected by his old girlfriend, who is hoping he’ll be super thankful and marry her or something. Turns out Chucky is still a dick and he kills her and turns her into a doll too. Now they’re both stuck in doll bodies, but they figure out a way that will allow them to change into human bodies. They need something from Chucky’s grave, so they hitch a ride with this neighbor kid that is eloping with his girlfriend. Even my synopsis sounds better than the actual plot of this piece of shit.

A bunch of things in the movie make no sense. In previous movies Chucky was pretty capable and largely resistant. In this one he gets placed into a play pen by his girlfriend and he’s stuck in there. He also (almost) dies when he gets stabbed. The part where everyone thinks the two young lovers are responsible for the murders is laughable too. Especially the one where a police car explodes and somehow they get blamed, as if they were carrying car bombs. I don’t know.

I give up, there’s nothing here to like.

1 out of 5 shitty dolls.

October Challenge 2013: The List

October 6, 2013 No Comments

This is the list of movies we’re watching this October. I expect some of the movies to be switched with others as the mood strikes, but that’s okay. It’s a weird list because it’s really not a top 30 of my favorite horror movies or anything. Lots of movies didn’t make the list because I had re-watched them recently or just because I didn’t feel like re-watching them.
Let’s see if I can come up with anything interesting to say about these flicks after the jump.

list

 

1. Stake Land – I’ve seen this one before and I still enjoy it. It has some goofy kung fu stuff going on, but I like that they took the time to do some world building in this one.

2. Haunting of Helena – First viewing. I posted the review yesterday. Not something I’d re-watch.

3. Pontypool – It has an interesting premise and I’ve forgotten enough about it to want to re-watch it.

4. Lords of Salem – Re-watch solely for the visuals.

5. Paranorman – We watched this recently so we might end up not seeing it again, but it’s just really good and a perfect fit for Halloween.

6. Livide – This one was a bit of a letdown when it finally came out, but it has some of the best scenes I’ve seen in a horror movie. Definitely worth a re-watch.

7. Vanishing on 7th Street – This one isn’t really that great, but the girlfriend hasn’t seen it, so we will.

8. Monsters – This one I actually like, but I’ve definitely watched it too many times. Girlfriend hasn’t seen it though.

9. Coraline – It’s pretty good. Worth a re-watch. I think the director is the same as for Paranorman.

10. Splinter – While I’m getting tired of watching this, it’s still a fun movie. I dig the monsters.

11. The Burrowers – This one is a bit slow, but it’s been a while and I want to see how it holds up on repeat viewings. Cowboy horror!

12. GP – One of my favorite horror movies. Looking forward to watching it again.

13. Trick ‘r Treat – Might save this for Halloween. It’s the perfect movie.

14. Teeth – I’ve described the movie to my girlfriend a hundred times, but we still haven’t watched it. So in it goes.

15. Cold Prey – I’m not a huge fan of slasher flicks outside the classics, but this Norwegian movie has a nice setting and it feels pretty fresh for what is essentially a run-of-the-mill slasher movie.

16. Slither – Always fun.

17. The Dark – I liked some of the visuals. I think Sean Bean dies in this one.

18. Tucker & Dale vs. Evil – Probably the best horror comedy in existence.

19. Dead Air – I don’t actually remember this at all and I’ve watched it.

20. R-Point – Another Korean horror movie. Not as good as GP, but still good.

21. Undead – I haven’t watched this in ages. I remember it’s a pretty crazy Australian zombie flick.

22. My Little Eye – Mostly for nostalgia’s sake.

23. Bride of Chucky – The only Chucky film I haven’t watched yet.

24. The Nightmare Before Christmas – Needs no introduction.

25. The Blob – I like this remake. I watched it as a kid and fell in love with it.

26. Teen Wolf – Not sure about this one, but it’s definitely been a while since I last watched it.

27.

28.

29. All the Evil Dead movies.

30. The Conjuring – Heard good things.

31. Pacific Rim – I guess this is cheating, but I wanna watch it and can’t wait till November.

32. The American Scream – Bonus round. A documentary about families and their Halloween decorations.

 

 

 

 

October Challenge #1: The Haunting of Helena

October 5, 2013 No Comments

haunting-of-helena-face
I’m running a bit behind, but I’m still watching one horror movie for every day of October this year.

Me and my girlfriend started out with The Haunting of Helena, a horror flick that takes place in Italy for some reason. Some of the plots points are tied to historical events, but there really is no point to it actually taking place there. Everyone speaks English (except for a psychologist guy who was dubbed) and everyone acts like they’re in the US, so whatever.

The-Haunting-of-Helena-Theatrical-Poster1Anyway, IMDB says ”A single mother moves into a new house with her daughter. Soon after the young girl has her first baby tooth fall off, she begins to recount that she is having nocturnal visits by a tooth fairy. It seems the house has a sinister history” which sounds about right. The irresponsible dad isn’t in the picture because he’s roaming the world. The mom likes to overreact at everything, like when an elderly neighbor says hello and asks if she’s the mom of the little girl that lives in the building. She looks at him like he’s the boogeyman. He eventually does turn creepy when he says ”GET OUT WHILE YOU STILL CAN”, but I wasn’t sure why the mom was creeped out from the get-go. Then the kid loses a tooth and it disappears because the tooth fairy took it. Eventually the mom is called to the school because apparently her daughter was buying teeth from the other children. I have to say two things about that:

1. That’s actually a pretty neat idea for a short story.

2. Why the fuck would a teacher care if a kid is buying up baby teeth? Kids will trade fucking everything, including teeth, cat skulls, Pokemon cards and dead pigeons. This isn’t cause for alarm.

Anyway, the mom is really disturbed and takes her to a psychologist and she gets like a hundred CAT scans. Her dad calls and thinks it might be epilepsy (that’s not how epilepsy works) but eventually the mom sees the ghost! Shit goes downhill from there. Spoilers follow, including THE ENDING. Mark the text to read them.

Turns out the woman that used to live in the house had a really jealous husband. He got really angry and pulled out all her teeth and left her to die in a closet. Now the lady haunts the house and is trying to get her teeth back.There’s a huge jump in time after the mom and daughter escape the house and the ghost. The kid is in a mental institution and finally the dad has shown up. He’s an asshole and wants to take the kid back to the US. It took him four years to come see his daughter, two of which she was in the institution. Talk about a shitty dad.

The mom figures out that the lady ghost wants her teeth back and does some research to find them. She eventually does (it really wasn’t that hard) and goes back to the house to drop them off. That’s when the plot twist ala The Ring happens. Turns out the lady wasn’t the victim of a jealous husband, she was a fucking cannibal that murdered kids. Her husband found out and took her teeth out to save the town kids. Now the ghost lady had her teeth back, she was free to eat kids again, which she does immediately. All in all a happy ending.

Anyway, this movie wasn’t terrible, I liked some of the effects and some of the ideas behind it. It’s a perfectly passable b-movie with mediocre acting but decent CGI effects. The plot twist is kinda apparent but it takes so long to happen that you’re almost fooled, but I can’t give it too many points for that.

 2 out of 5 baby teeth

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